If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
