so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
