He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
