I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
