it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
