Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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