im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
