if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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