You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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