go do what you do best...puke behind churches
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
