I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize