I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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