I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
