I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
