You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
