you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
