Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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