if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
