tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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