Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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