phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
