just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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