i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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