She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
