when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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