Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
