Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.