So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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