So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
