How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
