You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
