So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
