Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
