My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
