so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
