I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
