I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
