Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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