If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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