What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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