you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
