She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
