I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
