Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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