I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
