the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
