There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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