I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
