I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
