Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
