just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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