thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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