Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
