Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
