I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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