In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I didn't notice because vodka
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
