You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
