Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Can I color on your dick again?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
