just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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