used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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