Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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