Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Randomize
