first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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