I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
