Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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