my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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