thus making me awesome and them whores
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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