It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
