i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
