i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
