Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Mom said you looked used
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
