I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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