I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
