I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
