Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
